June 1 2013 began the journey to "me". One and a half months before my 55th birthday I made the decision -- because for 50 years I have been lost. Lost inside a suit of armor, extreme protection through a body suit of fat.
It ultimately hit me that all of my well-intended plans and ploys no longer worked. I was admitting I am powerless over my well designed personal security system, and that my life had become totally unmanageable as a result of ... me. And I finally went to an integrated health clinic for help.
My had life rocked along as an adult with much servitude and works for the Lord, and many lucrative jobs. But life was very up and down, including a failed suicide attempt ... when it came to mind one day that I would be perfect if I had a degree.
Degreed now at 40, I had arrived. Except, I found myself in and out of several psych out-patient treatment programs to try to keep my valiant artillery intact. With the aid of pharmaceuticals, my mind and my therapist, I would overcome.
Then I decided it was time I went to ministry school, especially since along the way, wouldn't you know, I had committed myself to Full Time Service for the Lord. Lovingly, ministry school successfully began chipping away at the fortress walls. Eventually the fortress crumbled. Ruins.
Basically I was forced put down the weapons and listen. And listen. And listen. For well over a year. I concluded, quite irreverently, that I had put on my own armor instead of God’s.
Ephesians 6 states we are to put on the armor of GOD, not build our own fortress. That is God’s job and it’s above my pay grade. I finally surrendered under duress as my body was crumbling equal to my fortress. I needed help.
Back to the clinic. With some ups and downs since June, and great support and superior learning experieces, I began an intensive 30-day program on 10/1/13 to get the best food possible into my body, the most toxins out and to submit my fortress building behavior to God.
Writing about emotions, the mechanics, the challenges, the learning experiences, the cravings, the growth and finally how God actually fits into The Incredible journey to Me, I will attempt a daily post.
There is so much I have to learn. Join me, will you? Feedback is cherished. http://merryelleinyellow.com
Veronica Belmont - about.me user since 2010
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