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Roy Watts
His brain was pretty rusty, but it did have a mine of useless information.
Curmudgeonly curmudgeon with a touch of hermit thrown in, add a dash of shut-in, a pinch of awkward and then a sprinkling of motormouth and there you are.
You've arrived at me.
I mostly spend days toiling in a hot kitchen and nights dredging the vastie deeps of the interwebs.