My Story

I am fifteen years old, my birthday is the fifth of january. I am originally from Spanish and Italian parents yet was born in Austrailia. I am probably not your average 'happy' teenager. I was adopted from when i was 2. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 11 years old. From the age of 9 i have been self-harming; not just knives or blades but as time has gone past it's become something sharper. I have almost always hated my appearance, i'm in a large family but still i am the only person with pastel blue eyes but also have my left pupil in a some-what crescent shape. I hate being odd or different. I was diagnosed with anxiety at 12. I was bullied throughout primary and so far all the way through secondary. I have never had a constant friend who i could rely on to help me when i needed it: i was constantly being told 'i'm busy i can't help you' , 'it'll get better' or 'sorry, i've got to go out'. I have servere trust and abandonment issues so i cannot be left alone, ever. I was diagnosed with bi-polar at the age of 13 most people didn't really understand me so i got angry quickly and developed ADHD. At 14 i became anorexic and bulimic, i have other eating disorders too. This increased my self-hate and self-harm because of the bullies telling me the same story over and over, just like what my head says, 'die, die, you'll never get better, die, die' over and over this goes through my head... I am sometimes surprised i'm still alive some days... I won't forget the day when my younger actual sister saw me for the first time and she cried, my official Mother and Father told her nothing about me and then left her with me, they knew i knew them. I could picture myself with them when i was her age but it was always scary because i know that maybe one day they'll leave my sister, Christine, i don't want her hurt or anything, she's the only person alive i love... right now anyway... nobody else loves me back. I am now 15... I want to commit suicide more than ever, my therapists say that nothing seems to help me... So why should i continue if they can't fix my broken heart and torn soul. I guess i could be dead when your reading this... I hope for your sake, not my own, but, that: just maybe, maybe, i'm alive. If you're going through similar difficulties: Go and get some medical advice, tell someone you trust: Parent, Friend, Teacher or maybe a Therapist. I know it's not easy in this world. Stay Strong Everyone! x