Bender Rafferty

Attorney Cracks

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a lawyer?

A: She has an intense desire for baloney.

Q: What is the legal meaning of Appeal?

A: Something an individual slips on in a grocery store.

Q: Why did God make snakes right before lawyers?

A: To rehearse.

Q: What can you call an attorney with an IQ of 1-2?

A: Your Honor.

Q: Whats the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

A: The attorney costs more.

Q: What can you call a happy, sober, polite individual at a bar association meeting?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are attorneys like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with legal counsel?

A: An offer you can not understand.

Q: What can you call an attorney gone bad?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they only released a new Barbie doll named 'Divorced Barbie'?

A: It includes 1 / 2 of Ken's things and alimony.

Q: What is the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry. This lofty australia's best lawyer jobs website has oodles of pictorial tips for where to see it.

Q: What is the definition of mixed feelings?

A: Watching your lawyer travel over a cliff in your brand-new Ferrari.

Q: Whats the difference between lawyers and accountants?

A: A minimum of accountants know theyre dull.

Stories:

1. A guy who'd been caught embezzling thousands went along to an attorney. His attorney informed him, 'Dont worry. Youll never go to jail with all that money? Actually, if the man was sent to jail, h-e didnt have a penny.

2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, h-e asked, 'Why are all of the shades drawn'? The nurse answered, 'There's a fire across the street, and we did not want you to consider you had died.'

3. God chose to just take the devil to judge and settle their differences once and for-all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, 'And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer'?

4. An attorney is sitting at the table in his new office. H-e hears some one arriving at the door. To impress his first potential customer, he sees the teleph