Fort Collins, Colorado
EVERYTHING??What was “everything nice”? Rainbows, swimming pools and ponies are nice...VW bugs and shiny motorcycles are nice. Sparkly jewelry and Egyptian cotton sheets. Also people who yield the left lane to faster traffic or other commuters who don't give you the finger for squeezing into their lane. We left no stone unturned; some of them even got added to the mix because pretty rocks are nice to find too. Then we threw in all the good books that were nice to read, the old lady across the street that always gave me pod-lings from her garden for me to kill and bought that crap out of the overpriced fundraising booklets from the kids saving money to go to Boca Raton for spring break...then there were all the people who clapped at my piano recitals and everybody who works with crayons for the Cartoon Network.
There were a couple of minor adjustments made on the fly and some tough judgement calls when we couldn't agree if something was “nice”. There was a legal issue involved in including all the kids who Santa didn't leave coal for, so we had to forgo an huge pool of "nice" (which accounts for why Kaelin can't study her singing parts for her Choir final without making everybody mad). Kaelin's Dad lobbied tirelessly for me to find in favor of adding SPAM. I don't think SPAM is nice, but we negotiated a deal that I would concede that in certain circumstances, SPAM can be nice (although I suspect it may have been a mistake in that she is unable to pass Calculus but can do other kinds of math like normal) In exchange for my endorsement, Mr Rich imported some French Canadian frogs, trapped slugs (using only the best domestic beer that comes in 40 oz screw-top bottles). Finally, we hammered out a deal with a Thai restaurant who was about to be shut down by the USDA for their controversial 9-meat soup entree...after all night fixing their take out menus with a Sharpie to turn '9's into '8's for their new featured menu entree, we were ready to go to court and get the 9-meat caper thrown out of court. Suddenly our law-abiding Thai friends found themselves with a new problem: too many kinds of meat. They only needed 8 meats and there was suddenly too many extras. BINGO! We came to the rescue again and walked out with the final secret ingredient for making the best baby girl ever: puppy-dog tails.At first we were looked upon as toying with mother nature or playing 'God', but we knew better. With precise measurements an