Writer OhSeven

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face.

Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks. And he can open a beer bottle with his testes.

Some say to unlock him you have to run your finger down his face...

Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve...

Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason he’s allergic to the Dutch...

Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds...

Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark...

Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for a thousand days...

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight...

Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world if you tune your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts...

Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees...

Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he’s confused by stairs...

Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals...

Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks horizontally...

Some say that in the autumn, all his arms go brown and fall off. And that if he wrote you a letter of condolence, he would at least get your name right.

Some say that the drinks cabinet in his car contains fourteen different types of custard. And that while he has been known to leave his house in a bit of a hurry, he's never once hit a fire hydrant...

Some say that his discharge is luminous, and that he sleeps inside out...