I am pretty good at PowerPoint presentations. Luther Campbell from 2 Live Crew gave me his Player's Club card when he retired it to get married. I can whoop your ass at Mario Kart or badminton. I've written & published an average of 50,000 words a year for more than a decade. (For free!) My phone number is 646 83-FUNKY. One time I wore an offensive t-shirt when photographed for the New York Times. I have more Twitter followers than you. I once reluctantly turned down an invite to Prince's house. (But I asked for a Purple Raincheck.) The New Yorker says I'm a "blogging pioneer", and the Wall Street Journal says I'm an "occasional lolcat critic". I'm also apparently a linguistic expert on the word "FAIL". I eat whatever. I won the first-ever search engine contest. I used to work at the top of the Empire State Building. I got an animated .gif into the New Museum of Contemporary Art. Me and my wife and kid live in Manhattan, and hope to stay here forever.