The first few memories I have of myself are in a piano academy. I would be playing introductory classical pieces like all the other kids there, but I was the only one without sheet music.

I have perfect pitch— the ability to identify or reproduce a musical note without any reference point. This means that I can play a piece on the piano just by hearing it once. Because of this unique ability I had, I was both the teacher’s favorite and least favorite student. They admired my talent, but hated me for not practicing reading sheet music.

Listening to the teachers constantly complain to me about not reading sheet music has always made me battle the idea of process versus results. Why does reading sheet music matter so much when I can arrive to the final performance without it? To me, sheet music was just a way of reaching the ultimate goal of getting to play the piece. Therefore, I was always a result-oriented person, rather than process-oriented.

High school reinforced the same mindset for me. After I realized that school is easy, I started to skip classes. I didn’t see the point in attending classes I wouldn’t actively participate in, especially when I could learn a week’s worth of material in just a couple of days. Of course, the teachers hated me again, for not valuing the beauty in the process. However, I could clearly tell that they hated me less than the other kids who skipped classes because my results were strong. High school teachers occasionally praising me for my “intelligence” or “smart brain” was an indicator of what society valued more— results.

The only exception to this pattern occurred whenever I was writing something. Whether it was an essay for a literature class, a letter to my old friend or my Common App essay, I found myself naturally re-reading and revising each piece to make it the best version possible. The same applied to reading. Going back over passages always made me discover new insights or catch earlier mistakes. Writing was the only thing where I found value in the process itself.

That’s why I am hoping that taking English 1102 with Dr. Galli can challenge my long-standing belief on process versus results. And perhaps, I will become one step closer to solving what feels like the biggest mystery in my life.