The last 5 years of my life have been the most challenging years of my life, however have provided me with the tools to obtain anything I could ever want. I had hot rock-bottom and stayed there for a while. For most of my life, I have struggled with low self-esteem and body image issues to the point that I was doing everything I could, or thought I could to “lose weight”. I was obsessed with the number on the scale and was consumed with the idea of constant cardio and consuming as little calories as possible. And to my surprise nothing was getting better, I was becoming more frustrated that I was not losing weight or feeling any better about myself. I constantly found myself fluctuating in weight but even when I seemed to “lose weight” I still was unhappy with the girl I saw in the mirror. The more I hated myself, the less I could do to care for myself, the more self-loathing I had. I found every excuse to not to go the gym and find some justification for consuming a whole bag of chips in one sitting. My hatred for myself was causing unsurmountable amounts of pain in my life. I was escaping the discomfort in any way possible—rapidly spiraling out of control.
I was becoming miserable and deflecting my misery onto those around me, family, friends, co-workers. I had everything that I could want and all the necessary tools to become more accepting of myself but wasn’t sure how to use them. After several instances of feeling that I and the world around me would be better off of I wasn’t around, I realized I needed change. I needed to work on making myself a happier person.
I had always look around at different fitness accounts on social media as well as searched fitness routines but nothing seemed to stick. A girl that I knew from high school started posting transformation pictures of her progress while participating in Kayla Itsines workout routines and I was blown away. I then started following her fitness account as well as many other girls who seemed to be loving the BBG world. I had watched girls just like me do what I thought was the impossible–take ownership of their bodies and make themselves proud. I saw so much positivity and support through this massive community of like-minded women from all across the world that I wondered if I too could be accepted into this community. So, I bought the Kayla Itsines guides and entered the social media fitness world. Needless to say, this was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself