Learning how to let go is something they don't teach you in school. You learn it yourself as you go through life. It's the most difficult thing to endure, both mentally and physically.

I've never really been a social boy, but whenever someone enters my life, I cherish them deeply. Whether it be friends or more, I've spent countless nights texting until the sun rose, enjoying every moment and wanting things to continue happily. That never happened, of course, because nothing lasts forever after all.

With those countless nights of joy also came endless anxious thoughts and attachment. Sure the memories I've made are nice, but there's also so many I would love to forcefully remove from my mind so I can move on. I always taught myself to forgive, but never how to forget. Things that serve as reminders to how things used to be will always be engraved in my mind. Having a great memory is a blessing but also the biggest curse anyone could ever have.

Late night calls and strolls while gazing at the stars will never be old to me, but it'll always remind me of how things were and how I wish I could be in the moment again, with that special someone. I often see and think of things that remind me of them, and it's painful that I'll never have that connection with them again. Cute cat videos, beautiful flowers, silly faces, and my dumb jokes are just a few things that come up daily that I want to share but I will never get that chance, because I have yet to get over the idea that they're gone.

Grieving someone who isn't deceased is another level of pain that will never make sense to me. I've deleted thousands of photos of those I cherished, and every single time, It always feels like I'm erasing parts of myself and then scrawling to quickly fix it, all for things to fall apart later on.

I've grown to be a quiet boy but I often still show my personality to those who talk with me. I used to be so energetic, loud, and bubbly, now I'm more private and calm. But, I guess growing up comes with a few changes and this is just one of the few that I have to accept. I hope one day I'll get the chance to talk to my friends and ex-partner again, but deep down I know that will never happen. If I had a thousand lives, I'd choose to live this life over and over again despite knowing how things will end, because I care about those in my past so much, even if they don't think the same about me. As one of my favorite quote goes, “Love isn't about staying but learning when to let go.”