brian spent the first 13 years of his life known as "the bearded boy" in a traveling circus freak show. one night, after a show outside melrose, wi, he was abducted by the government and taken to the area 51 facilities. brian cannot recall the next several years. but somewhere around age 19, he found himself in a field in Iowa, and hopped the next bus to lost springs, wy. it was there that brian, whose lifelong dream it had been to teach the blind how to jumprope, discovered hairbands.
brian bought his first microphone stand from the money he made running numbers for the mob, and taught himself how to sing like sebastian bach through a mail correspondence course. in 1996, he sold everything but his pet goldfish and a paperback copy of "the complete works of stephen king," and moved to los angeles. currently hawking sharpie fine point markers on city street corners, brian is also a former gravedigger, aspiring underwear model, and supporter of the pro-asparagus movement.