Bar Ponneck

I am a 63 year old single man, recently divorced. It's funny in a way, i kind of structured my identity through the lense of a married man, for 30 years, with two beautiful children (now 30 & 26 respectively).

I have been living in a sweet 2 bedroom Apt., in Windsor, CA. for the past 15 months. I truly wish I could have left this progressive, degenerative disease, back in the SNF; Parkinson's disease is much moe comfortable in a place like a SNF.

For 2 1/2 decades, I spent the the better part of my life as a local grasss-roots, in your face, non-violwnt, direct action street activist! If I was feeling positive, energetic and productive, I was probalby involved in organizing, planning or orchestrating either a local benefit concert, demonstration, rally, march, civil disobediece action or a combination of any or all of the fore mentioned activities. I unfortunately never put much energy into a "career," or planned for the future. This along with other issues, I believe now, was one of many a issues responsible for my divorce after 30 years of marriage.

When it rains, it pours; or at least that's what's said. In my situation, it seemed like the entire thread of existance was about to unravel. It took me awhile to do so, but I eventually hit the bottom. I was so low down, I had to look up to look down! I mean to tell you, I was so low I could play handball on the curb of the gutter. My thoughts were single-focused, and that focus was on the Final Exit! I wanted out. Out of a life, that I thought was not fair, and therefor not worth living. All I thought about was how I was going to end this miseable existance, all I talked about was "The Right To Die" and how screwed up the system was and the state of Calfornia for not sanctioning Physician Assisted Suicide.

My ex-wife had just about had all she could stomach. She was not at all inerested in dying, or into the philosophcal arguments supporting or opposing the Right to Die. She was still realitively young, and although she had been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lympohma 14years ago, and according to many experts she should have been dead already. She was still very much alive! She just got burned out on taking care of a sick man, who was going to get progressively worse, and all he had on his mind was how he was going to check out