I can hurl a golf club at small moving objects with swat team precision. I sleep once a week whether I need it or not and when I do sleep it's in a chair. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire and I'm a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I've been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and The Grapes of Wrath in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I can hurl a golf club at small moving objects with swat team precision. I sleep once a week whether I need it or not and when I do sleep it's in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I dodge, I bob, I weave, and my bills are paid on time. Years ago I found out the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. With all these talents, and yet, I have not been a Politician.