Chris Allison

Wow where do you start? Do you lead with your 'stats'? Social status, merits, views, relationship to others, politics, interests bla bla or something else? How about all your deficits, doubts, anxieties, fears? Now that would be novel, much more engaging and likely way more therapeutic than trotting out the dinner party version of yourself. - Yeah, let's try that.

So here is me being all self aware. I've so much to be thankful for but don't recognise it nearly enough. I'm often thought of as more social, empathetic and articulate than I actually am, putting on a good show rather than taking the selfless time to listen to the performances of others. I worry I'm too selfish and despite working hard not to let it show I fail daily.

How do people find the time for expertise? I admire and eny it, I have infinitely more general interest in the world around me than perseverance to properly study it.

I can be agape at our universal insignificance, the wonder of our biology and our fragile planets ecology or the unquestionable splendour of our natural beauty and rich species. Similarly I'm appauled by our absurd modern world with its privaledged classes our minds fensed in by a contemptable media geared to mass consumption and hedonism.

Stripped our our charity we passively stare at a titanic societal regress knowing we should do more, I should do something.. 'another glass of wine?' , Yes thanks .. Oh the guilt of apathy, that's the true enemy.

I'm self aware but not nearly self disciplined enough to compensate and thus unwilling to make the change I want to see.

I worry about the future, personal wealth, long term health, world events and prospects for my beautiful children. I'm an atheist but need the comforts of religion and envious of those whom get consolation from their spirituality. I'm more astrology than mythology and the worse for it.

Yet, tomorrow I'll awake to a golden warm Australian sun, walk to the beach, swim in the ocean, play with my dog and be home to the tinkling din of two golden haired children, a warm hearted wife, plentiful food, love and a good, no GREAT life.