Chris Epperly

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling trees and rolling bowling balls down a hallway. I have been known to remodel my kids' Power Wheels Barbie Dream Machine on my lunch break, making them more aerodynamic. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

Using only a rake and some aluminum foil, I once single-handedly defeated a small village of rats. (the rake did most of the work) I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. Never have I have won bull fights in San Juan, cliff-dived in Sri Lanka, but I have crushed a 5-year old spelling bee in Tanzania.

Reside in Charlotte, NC