I am a 31 (ouch, I haven't written that since turning the big 31!), year old mother of 2 beautiful and wonderful and nerve wracking children, and will soon be the step mother of 4 more... A little background about me... If you haven't checked out my blog you should... chrstianmama83.wordpress.com, I just set it up, so posts will be coming soon.. I digress.. I have had lots of trials and tests, and also triumphs, in my "short" 31 years of life.. to give you a clear picture I will start at the very beginning but try too be as brief as possible.. 5 yrs old began my OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). From that point till my late 20's I had major struggles with that as well as major depression, anxiety, panic attacks, cutting, eating disorder, sexual promiscuity, alcohol addiction, pain killers, rape, 2 divorces, a number of hospitalizations in mental wards as well as treatment facilities for the ED. Dozens of psychiatrists, and psychologist, counselors, therapists, nutritionist and more medication for my "issues" than I could possibly name. I have moved from job to job in an attempt to make myself satisfied with life, nothing ever worked. No amount of medication, talking, changing, hiding, cutting, drinking, ever worked. I was born and raised Catholic. I always felt God's presence in my life. I always felt him pulling at me, but for some reason I could never seem to reach him. He seemed like something that was unreachable. I always felt that my doing wrong, sinning, was causing him to punish me, and that is why I could never be happy, or get out of my depression, or why so many things kept happening. I was so wrong.... TBC..