Don Kenton Henry

At the age of fifteen, during the process of being given traveling papers by three high schools and attending four - I was sent to live with my grandparents in Rensselaer, Indiana. It was there I began writing my autobiography, "Diary of A Dumbass". Approximately four chapters into it, I came home to find my grandmother standing over my underwear drawer in my bedroom where she had retrieved my work from where it lay hidden under a stack of BVDs. She was gripping it in her hand and shaking it in my face, screaming, "Kenton Henry - this is a disgrace to our family!"
I replied, "But grandma - our family is a disgrace!" At which point, she ripped my entire work to pieces. It was not until I was in a college creative writing class I again began work on my memoirs. This time, I returned home from class to find my wife shaking my grand opus in her hand much as my grandmother had. And the same result followed. It seems some people simply cannot handle the truth.
It would be thirty years before I began anew. In the meantime, I had graduated from Indiana University and returned to Texas where I had lived as a small boy and later during my tour in search of a high school degree. Attempting to survive some difficult economic times in the "Texas of the mid 80's", I was backed into a career in insurance kicking and screaming. In time I built a successful business in the medical insurance market. For twenty years it sustained me quite well until recent legislative changes forced me, once again, to reinvent myself.

My metamorphosis on this occasion began with taking chemistry classes at my local community college. Because of wisdom and practical experience - garnered from years in the private market - I have fast tracked my new career by developing two revolutionary products. The first is a pest control product. Specifically, it is a “Cat Food Aphrodisiac” which (when mixed with Fancy Feast) makes cats absolutely irresistible to mice. The second is a chemical sanitation product which when added to raw sewage makes it smell like perfectly good tacos. I am currently marketing it in border towns along the Rio Grande and all the way to the west coast. If I land the Tijuana account it will be an economic boon to Tijuana and all of Mexico as tourists will literally run for the border. I will be able to retire in luxury and hereafter be known as the “Ron Popeil of Poo”.

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