Dr. Lindsay

Do you want to bang, then marry a radical hipster, atheist, cat-loving doctor who won't take any shit and could kick your ass?

Of course you do!

However, if you answer yes to any of the following questions, please close this page and walk into traffic.

1. Are you a Republican?

2. Do you hate cats?

3. Are women irrational and untrustworthy when it comes to their own reproductive organs?

4. Do you think vegans are weird and dirty?

5. Is Bill Nye a filthy heathen who'll burn in hell?

If you have answered no to all of the above questions, congratulations! You may be qualified to bang, then marry Lindsay!

For further information, qualified applicants may direct their resumes and pictures of their pets, apartments, and record collections to the following: [email protected]

Unqualified applicants may direct their materials to [email protected].