Dylan Foy

Dylan Foy was delivered to the doorstep of Mr. and Mrs. Foy by Charlie the Stork, in Dublin, Ireland, on that frosty day of January 27, 1992. When Mr. and Mrs. Foy asked, "What child is this?" the Stork flew away, leaving only the myserious note: "I hate you." Mr. and Mrs. Foy were used to this pre-toddler angst, as they had one other problem child: Sean. Mr. Foy spoke to computers for a living. Mrs. Foy ran a business on how to domesticise pet alligators. They got by.

They named him "Dylan Foy," after Dylan Thomas, the great poet (in his parent's eyes). Dylan had thick hair and dark circles around his eyes because he would often stay up late at night, wishing upon stars; in hopes of finding his dream girl. Despite this tragic outlook on life, Mr. and Mrs. Foy did the best they could: they fed him doughnuts! They read him chapters of the Tibetan Book of the Dead whilst bathing! They combed his eyebrows and took care of his hang nails! They told him sad stories with sadder endings! What joy!

Mrs. Foy always told him to do his best, and that is currently what he is doing.