Taylor Gadsden

Sometimes I think I could explode from all the pressure. I'm so lucky to be here, at such a wonderful university with a mother that believes in me. Well that's weird. Especially after I feel like I have given her every reason not to with the depression of my freshman year and all. "No pressure," she says. I'm so lucky to have the opportunity to study in whatever field I wish. Even though I often feel like wishing to work for a fashion magazine is almost as probable as winning the Mega Million. But I bought a ticket for that too. But if I'm so lucky then why am I always on edge? Why do I feel like I go back and forth to classes every day of my life with absolutely no stability? Why am I always feeling like at any moment I will make the wrong move and my entire future will be washed down the drain? Maybe it's because that's the reality of the situation. I could, at any moment make the wrong move, and my "plans" could be derailed. Picture this. I have eighty-five terms that I need to study for my History exam tomorrow. I have to know when, where, and how they occured. Only four of these terms will appear on the exam. If I decide to choose sleep tonight over these last four terms on the paper they could very well show up on the exam tomorrow and I will not know them. I will search the back of my eyelids for the answers and then I will ask God to give me the strength and knowledge to make up the best possible answer that I can. It will probably be wrong because the Triangular trade was not a method for shipping indigo as I guessed. Then I will fail my exam which will probably give me a C in the class because I have chosen sleep many times over the last four terms on the study guide. Then I will have a 2.9 GPA and then I will lose HOPE. Isn't that morbid? When you fall below a certain grade point average you lose HOPE and hope. Then you are 6,000 dollars in the hole for next years tuition and then your parents can not afford to send you to college the next year. Then you will end up just like your cousins. You will end up working at Pizza Hut for the rest of your life sprinkling cheese and taking orders from people who never aspired to do or be anything greater than a college dropout's employer. Just like that your entire life can go down the drain because you opted to not be completely exhausted the next morning instead of finishing your studying. But no pressure, right?