Gemma Gardner

When I was medically discharged from the army on the 16th February 2014 I felt as if my whole identity and the future I had worked so hard for had been completely wiped out.

I enlisted in 1999 and the British Army was the only life I had known since the age of 17. I served in Northern Ireland, Germany, Bosnia and Afghanistan, even continuing to serve in Germany at my own request when I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter Amelia, now 9.

I absolutely loved army life and the sense of achievement and belonging I got from living to help and protect others and defend my country. I rose to Sergeant, was a Phase 2 Instructor and played rugby for my battalion. I married my husband Gareth, still a serving officer today, and had three children with him during my 14 years of service.

I had been experiencing pain and swelling in my legs for over a year and just carried on doing my job despite the difficulties I was experiencing. It was when I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter Bella, now 2, that the pain and swelling became unbearable. I went for tests and discovered my legs were full of tiny stress fractures, which led to my diagnosis with Compartment Syndrome.

I ended up taking sick leave for one year, and during that time I became so ill I could barely walk and had to use crutches all the time. I was in severe pain constantly, my husband was my sole carer and it was becoming clear I could no longer do the job I loved.

I thought I was dealing with it really well until the Captain came to my house to take my ID card. I couldn’t stop crying. It was impossible to accept that this really was the end of my army career and I felt as if they were robbing me of every bit of self-respect I had.

I still lived in barracks with my husband who was still serving, and the first time I had to hand over my civilian ID card and be addressed as Mrs instead of Sergeant it didn’t quite feel real.

My mental and physical health deteriorated until one day I had just had enough. With no clear sense of a future I felt like a failure and didn’t quite know who I was anymore. Despite having a husband and family I absolutely adored, like most people who feel like ending it all I convinced myself they would be better off without me and took an overdose.

When that didn’t work, I had to tell my husband what I’d done which was one of the worst moments of my life. He pointed out that I had a husband and 3 beautiful children who loved me more than anything and asked how I could be so selfish. He gave me an ultimatum to either re-join my family or continue on the path I was on.

That was my wake up call, and although it was a painful journey I slowly began to pick myself up, one piece at a time as I learned how to adjust to civilian life and be a healthy, emotionally present wife and mother.

While I was serving I had always been one of the first people to notice when other soldiers were having a hard time or heading for a breakdown, and I always did my best to try and convince them to get help and open up about what they were going through.

This time I had to do the same for myself.

The use of holistic therapies such as reiki, reflexology and getting the right supplements and nutrition is the reason why I am now able to walk. Prior to discovering the power of alternative medicine, I knew very little about it.

From there, as I worked on myself I also developed a programme I call a Life Plan for former service men and women who are transitioning back to civilian life and need support to get mentally and physically healthy and accepting of a new path in life once their army career is over.

The shocking truth is that more soldiers die from taking their own lives than in combat. Many end up living on the streets, unemployed, living with addictions or suffering in silence with severe mental health problems such as PTSD and depression.

My experience has taught me that when we don’t talk about what we’re going through, it only gets worse and worse, to the point where many tragically feel that suicide is the only way out.

My charity, Holistic Dreamz, will offer former a soldiers hope for a new life and has a 100% success rate with all the people I have coached through it.

All the profits from my health and wellness events company, Holistic Dreams, will go into rolling my programme out across the UK so that as many former soldiers as possible can one day access a truly holistic programme of support designed by someone who has been where they are.

I am passionate about promoting and bringing alternative medicine and holistic therapies to as many people as possible. Please join me on my journey and subscribe to our newsletter to keep up to date with my progress in bringing my vision to life.

Gemma xx