James Gunther
Newbury Park, California
I am a full privileged member of the Cosmic Relationships Church of the Greater Tortoise. They profess a doctrine, which encourages its members to, “Move ever so slowly in the right direction.” So I can believe and improve at my own pace. Which is a slow one. Perfect! Although I have altered my diet to include 5 tablespoons of lard and adhere to a strict routine of whole milks, cheese and butter…I am sorry to report I am no closer to my ideal Welles weight. Please pray to your God for me in this regard. Otherwise, I sit here all day with nothing but my Buck Owens CD’s and a smiley faced candle I call Cheryl. It tries to cheer me up and mocks me when I am angered…I keep setting it on fire, but that stupid smile never goes away. I think I shall try and carve it out of its face next.