James Mawson

Stories of this man's origins are veiled in enigma and secrecy. Born to a savant and a witch, he was from an early age steeped in abstruse mysteries, grasping wisdoms to sustain his later feats as a raconteur, minstrel, diviner, bacchanalian, wordsmith, fixer, scoundrel, tactician, aesthete, libertine, aphorist, agitator, intercessor and seer. These arcane legends are of such profound breadth that some ponder whether he is more phantom than man; others suggest that there is no James Mawson at all, that his fabled words and deeds are really those of many men over many eras, rumours and hearsay retold into the tale of one tenebrous, apocryphal, rather dashing young chap.

Circumspect figures in gloomy alcoves hint with hushed whispers that by day he trades as "Handsome Genius", the world's most attractive web marketing consultant. His knife-like insights and command of words that enchant, inspire, astound, provoke and influence impels men and women of commerce to beseech him for grand works to aid their quests for wealth and power. By night he rides the wind to iniquitous corners to incite license, wonder and atrocity: a restless maelstrom of guitar riffs, savagery, decadence, fervor, daring, invective, unlikely conquests, no quarter given, and vision that pierces the gaps in space and time to planes far beyond.

He applies the oxford comma with reckless indifference and insouciant inconsistency, leading one commentator to dub him "the wild man of grammar".

You might sometimes find him brewing beer in his garage, playing rock and roll, loitering in other people's vans, playing Grand Theft Auto (poorly), and crafting new forms of nachos.