Harry Crotch

I'm Harry Crotch and I play Bass Guitar. I dreamt of being a ballet star and I actually had an audition at the Royal Ballet! I was unsuccessful (something about pale legs...) and this caused me to spiral down into a world of Dr Pepper and Uncle Joe's Mint Balls (I love 'em they're just so minty!).

Due to my poor behaviour and lack of academic success I enrolled at Forkham Hall School (someone had to do it) in an attempt to quickly turn my life around (this was 15 years ago) and I took up the Bass Guitar (to be honest no-one else wanted to play it).

I cannot tolerate geeky-ness and can often be found flushing Dwayne Pype's head down the toilet or performing some other kind of prank on him (the geeky little squirt).

I have a sister called Svetlana (we call her Svetty for short) although I don't see her very often.

I like to think of myself as somewhat of an enigma (some people call it being a git) and I have no real ambitions (hence I play Bass). I do however enjoy listening to the Archers on Radio 4 in between my bouts of Anarchic excess.