Everyone is always shocked when I tell them I didn't speak English for half of my life. That could be due to the fact I don't have an apparent accent, but it took many years of assimilation, self-loathing, and the ostracization from other kids for me to get to this place.

I moved to the United States at the age of ten without any background in English. All my life up until then, I spoke my native tongue, Tigrigna. I would be lying if I told you the transition to my new life was simple. Before I came to the US, I was the smartest person in my classes, very social, and lived a relatively happy life. Once I came to this foreign land, I gradually began to lose myself. Not being able to understand and communicate in a language everyone around me spoke made me feel less than and inferior. For the longest time, I went without having someone to talk to about my emotions. I didn't have any friends. I know that sounds very pathetic, but it's not the best feeling in the world when you don't have a particular person to share your sentiments, passions, interest, and day-to-day small talks with.
I made it my goal to learn English so that I could fit in. Even though I was making progress in learning English, I was still holding myself back from talking. Even if I had a strong opinion in a discussion, I just bit my tongue and kept quiet. I saw myself change from this cheerful person who loved socializing, making others laugh, and talking to someone timid, shy, and reserved. I didn't realize this at the time, but I was holding myself back because I was afraid if I spoke I would have an incomprehensible accent and my peers were going to find me peculiar. I then went through a phase of disassociating myself from my culture so that I can erase the part of me that made me different.

Although I did finally fully assimilate to American culture, it breaks my heart to know the extent I went through to completely dismiss what made me a unique individual. The journey toward this full acceptance was long, but I am happy to say I love and fully appreciate my ethnic culture.