Imbecile Vagabond

I trust you have not heard of me, I am an immortal vagabond and adventurous gentleman, always looking for likeminded soul for some nice merriment and mayhaps more ...

I shall not bore you with prose; instead, feast your eyes upon a fleeting taste of my abilities.

I am a shallow self-centred social retard, with the intelligence, personality, charm and aspirations of a brainless Botswanan baboon. I currently have no friends, no life or fixed abode and I am at present living outside a mall in a recycling dustbin. My hobbies include: shoplifting, swearing at random members of the public, mugging old ladies and of course getting drunk and arrested for violent and disorderly behaviour.

If you're brave enough to read on and if I haven't scared you off yet then I hope at least that I have got your complete and undivided attention! Firstly my sincere apologies for this rather disturbing, crude and sardonic introduction - there is method in the madness:

I do not want to bore or patronise you by displaying an endless list which vaunts my wonderful personal virtues and amazing social attributes, which is traditionally followed by talk of my dynamic unique personality, great educational background and wonderful job. You are far too intelligent for that, and besides you may have seen it a thousand times before.