Hey there, I’m Chris Warren and here is everything you need to know about me. I am a very dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls or pretending to be good at something I’m not. I have been known to organize DVD’s alphabetically and coordinate soccer mom’s pick up schedules for my viewing pleasures on my lunch breaks.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike sax playing, I can open any condiment jar at a very astonishing rate of speed. I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in Twenty Minutes. I am an expert in beating my sister at Monopoly.

One time using only a zip-tie some duct-tape and a cell phone I solved world hunger by zip-tying my sister to chair, Duct taping her mouth and calling my parents requesting a ransom in Double Stuffed Oreo cookies and pizza rolls.

I am a Parkour Athlete, a self proclaimed Professional Shark Wrestler, and an Actor when I get bored. Critics around the world swoon over my ability to dress up while dressing down at the same time. I don’t Perspire. I once was caller number 3 on Kidd Kraddick in the morning, I won nothing. I have had gray hair sense I was able to walk.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only an electric skillet and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning Beta Fish. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with a silent monk.

If you feel I missed anything feel free to go check the website for more information.