Jaclyn Metz

Today is day one. I restarted day one several times because of self-failing moments; moments of weakness and insecurity. I was relying on my own strength, which failed me. I wasn't relying on Jesus for my weight loss. In my head, I thought it was a dumb thing to put on my Savior. Why would He care about how much I did or didn't weight. But in all realness, He does care. He wants to lead me through my journey. To hold me up or even help me up when I fall. I also need to recognize there will be moments of doubt and wanting to fail, but that isn't Jesus, that is Satan trying to win. Instead of focusing on what "I" can or can't do, I need to focus on what my God can do. Now I am not obese in my eyes, but I am not normal at all. By the scales, I am about 60-75lb overweight. I hate looking in the mirror when I am naked. Not to give a picture, but it's the truth. Yes, I've had three amazing children in a short amount of time, but it is no excuse for not getting back into shape.

I suffer from depression. There are days were I feel I don't even have the strength to get out of bed. I have that voice in my head shouting, "YOU CAN'T DO IT. YOU AREN'T WORTH ANYTHING!" Well voice in my head, to Jesus I AM worth it, and through Him I can achieve anything. But still it nags at me and causing doubt. This is something I have to deal with every day. I pray one day it will just go away, but Satan will never give up on trying making this believer to stray from her loving Father.

My family gives me support, but I tend to fall through the cracks. Again, I am trying to lean on someone else other than Jesus. It is ok to lean on my family; I believe God gave them to me for a reason. They were hand chosen by my Heavenly Father. It is my will that gets broken so easily, not their support. I look in the mirror and am disgusted with what I see. My husband tells me I a beautiful, but I don't see it. Does he see the 150lb woman he fell in love with or does he truly see the overweight woman I've become?

Well today is my day. Today is the day I start my new journey. In this journey I will let Jesus lead me. When I feel doubt I will lean on Him. When I want to give up, I will ask myself did He give up on me. He died for me, because He loves me! Why should I give up on myself, if He will never give up on me? I welcome this day and the many days ahead of me. Within a year from today, July 16th, I will be who God intends me to be. I will