jade james

i like to practice voodoo, especially on people i know and hate. sometimes i even practice on people i know and like, because i'm equal opportunity like that. i'm a recovering nihilist with annoying sesquipedalian tendencies.

for money to support my food habit, i'm an outfitter with a menswear company specializing in built-to-fit business and casual shirts. what does an outfitter do? like the pizza boy, i deliver good taste and convenience. men who hate shopping and in a work shirt slump call me. i go to their office and take their measurements. we go through fabric samples and a lookbook, putting together the Shirt of Their Dreams and saving them from Closet Crisis 2014. if you have a Shirt Problem, have your people call my people.

for fun i like to go to grocery stores and not put things back where i found them. in a world where everything is being automated, this random relocation of produce and common household goods saves jobs.

i'm not a half-glass-empty or half-glass-full type person...i want to know what's IN the glass (and if it's scotch, it'll be empty because i'll be drinking it).