Jake's Beard

Jake's Beard

This fine specimen of a beard was born when Morgan Freeman's voice made sweet, sweet love to Eric Clapton's guitar playing ability. Some wonder how this mystical being came into existence, as it has a tendency to have shades of red, brown and even a little bit of black in it, while still being able to "chameleonize" itself during the holiday seasons, such as blending in with Christmas trees as a lit-up, green beard. Some of the hobbies of Jake's beard include taming mountain lions, building time machines, being manly, creating milfs, and not being trimmed.

Beard was born on a warm August afternoon in 1942. As a young adult, he advised Martin Luther King Jr. to take action in the Civil Rights movement, and gave guitar lessons to a struggling musician by the name of James Hendrix. Beard then joined the police force in the early 70s, as it was the easiest way to tap into confiscated cocaine.

In 1998, Beard retired from the force in order to spend more time terrorizing hookers and riding zebras. In the process of doing this, Beard decided to travel the world and eventually settled down in the mountains of Tennessee where he may or may not have had sexual intercourse with a wolf.

After making his way out of the wilderness in 2005, Beard discovered Jake and it was love at first site. The two have had a long and happy marriage since then and are in the process of adopting their first child.