James Johnson

I’ve always struggled with fitting my life into a “story.” I’ve heard other people talk about their past with such extravagance, while mine feels so uninteresting in comparison. I’ve never had a horrible teacher or a difficult childhood. I struggled to find my story to be as eventful as so many people expect of me. But as I’ve grown, I began to realize that I’ve been my own greatest adversary.

Back when I was in early middle school, I was a part of a small local tennis team. When it came time for my first real tennis tournament, I felt more than prepared. However, I began to make small mistakes during my first match; a missed ball here, some bad footwork there, small things. But instead of recovering, I began beating myself up about them. I sabotaged myself and began to spiral into failure. I stopped trying, ran less for balls I could’ve gotten, and went soft when I should’ve played aggressively. At the time, I thought it may have been a fluke, a bad day that I could recover from; however, this cycle of self-destruction kept happening.

From learning to drive to completing my schoolwork, I kept turning small mistakes into big problems. It took me a while to realize how to escape that cycle. A lot of time was spent finding new ways to reorient myself. I don’t think I’m fully there yet, but I’ve gotten a lot better at managing my time, prioritizing workload, and not blowing things out of proportion. But most of all, I learned to give myself a break.