Jamie Loftus

"A loyal customer."

-Nabisco Triscuits

"Maybe Attending."

- Facebook Invite for "LOST ALL MY CONTACTS LEAVE YOUR NUMBER" Event

"My second favorite child, of two."

-Michael "Salt N' Pepa" Loftus

Raised in the slums of Massachusetts, Jamie Loftus has experience in walking past people quickly without making eye contact, not having a driver's license, and figuring out where there is free food. Invented the pizza-kini and jet engines. E-mail for more info.