Michael Jansen

I knew from an early age I was destined for greatness. Largely illiterate and a little dislexic, I had made my first $100k by 10 years old selling lollies on our school bus.

It was a cartel of sorts.

Since then, I've turned over more than $100m on a variety of ventures, all successes.

Currently I focus my time on #twanker, an app designed to name and shame people like me, those too obsessed with themselves.

Other notable achievements include conceiving twitter prior to it actually launching, talking about Facebook before Mark created it and knowing that Apple was going to decline well before the iPhone was launched.

I am always right, those that know me will testify.