John Banaski

As of today, I am starting a new life. Starting over, as it were. I want to reinvent myself, not that I don't like who I am or who I've become, but to find the happiness that has eluded me. The saying is true about insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is, well, insane. So, here I am, sitting at a Starbucks on Saturday, May 19, 2012 and writing the first of what I expect will be the start of many words, strung togther by sometimes lucid thought and sometimes random, reaching, blind, struggling, and hedging thoughts that come out scrambled like gas through clogged fuel injectors into a sputtering 15-year old engine on that old, faithful car you can't and don't want to get rid of.because of the memories it brings to mind so often, but not often enough.

So, my writing on some days may resemble that of a man falling from a plane without a parachute and wants to scream something meaningful.... get used to it! There will probably be more of those days than not. To me, the harried rush is more the norm than the exception. Unfortunately, I don't move THAT quickly anymore, so the rush is mainly INSIDE my head and my stomach (where those butterflies are hopped up on caffeine or something?!) and my thoughts reflect the inner turmoil, more than the outer visage. That's okay though, because I think it would be insincere to write my thoughts and have them come out too orderly anyway. It just isn't me as I problem-solve, create, connect, build, maintain sanity, and well, love with every molecule of my being and every fiber of my soul. It's who I am and, frankly, I am not about to change for money, fame, or glory. To me, having the love and respect of my family and true friends, is the biggest gift in my life. I am blessed in many ways and that is one of them.

My future plans are up in the air as there's much turmoil going on in my life right now. Frankly, I need that positive thing that should happen, to happen.

One thing I am working on, should it prove to be fruitful, will change my life for the better. I am still working on the proposal, but once it is completed, I'll post a video and a link here and share it with you all. I'll need your help if I'm going to make it happen anyway, so feel free to email me directly and if you want to help, that would be AWESOME!