Web Developer, Software Engineer, and Photographer in New Delhi, India
I always hid in other people, or tried to find myself through the characters, or live out their lives, but I didn't have those things in mine.When I was a boy, I always saw myself as a hero in comic books and in movies. I grew up believing this dream.
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking. I just don't want to live like I used to. I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence. Whatever dramas are going on in my life, I always find that place inside my head where I see myself as the cleanest, tallest, strongest, wisest person that I can be. All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself..I'm not always as confident as I seem ... there are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always. Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me ... sometimes I just want a hug ... someone who will let me cry. I like when girls cry in front of me -- when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn't do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh. I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart ... and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.