Jenelle Stapleton

The agony that struck me the second I woke up was overwhelming. I felt sick. Sicker than sick. My heart seeped its way into my stomach, mimicking the weight of a boulder. The act left me stunned because I did not know how to cope with this unfamiliarity.

It was as if I was leaving a part of me behind that day. My oldest sister, who had come down from New Jersey a few hours prior, accidentally fell asleep on my bedroom floor, exhaustion consuming her. As she was waking up herself she had detected the paleness in my dark skin and tension within my body.

“What’s the matter?” she asked calmly, already knowing what was wrong as I was being separated from my twin sister after eighteen years.

“I don’t want to leave her” I barely was able to utter before I completely broke down, finally allowing the emotions I had been harboring to make themselves evident in that moment.

“I know”, she says and slowly approaches me to then take me under her embrace.

Courtney is her name. She has the brightest of minds, yet as reserved as she is she hides her gifts, but her power doesn’t go undetected. You’d be amazed at how her brain systematically constructs a minisual idea into a detailed layout of whatever she had first envisioned. The distinguished drive that she embodies in which narrows the gap between the goals within her mind and her reality. I admire the way that she never settles for the bare minimum and how she’s selective about her energy and who gets the privilege of accessing it.

Courtney’s sole presence motivates me and influences me to set the standards rather than exceed them. The light of her soul appends my gratitude to appreciate things that I absentmindedly take for granted. The fragility yet fortitude of her heart taught me that it’s okay to deflect things that could potentially ruin my sense of peace. When we separated, I thought my identity wouldn’t be sufficient enough, because I felt as though she kept me whole for so long. Yet, what I failed to realize is that Courtney has instilled qualities into me that persists even in her absence. Her absence, as a matter or fact, gave me an incentive to fully embrace everything I learned from her because I could no longer rely directly on her. So together or separated, whether she knows it or not, Courtney continues to offer, leaving an indelible mark on my life.