Jerry Smith

contrary to urban legend i was not birthed from a cataclysmic nuclear meltdown in russia instead i had a more humble beginning i was born fully grown in missoula montana where i found myself in the arms of some hipster trying to pawn me off to a girl who already had two cats WALLY and L.B. which is short for LONG BEACH i call him LOSER BITCH he calls himself BLACK DEATH the hipster said that i lived in a neighboring apartment complex and my original owners moved out and i was left alone for two weeks trying to break into peeps apartments so mr. hipster said he called the humane society and they told him that they were all out of suites for the week so he had to keep me but he was a whore and tried giving me to LOSER BITCH’s mom but she wouldn’t have me so she grabbed two peeps that were emptying their garbage and told them the hipster’s sob story and those two peeps COTEY and ALISON took me in for the week and fell in love with me but i hate them… then i got stuck between their bitch-ass window and it’s screen trying to escape one day