My passport has no photograph. My pillow is cool on BOTH sides. I can steal thunder’s thunder. Whatever side of the tracks I am currently on is the right side, even if I cross the tracks I’ll still be on the right side.

I am a lover not a fighter but am also a fighter so don’t get any ideas. If I were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank me. I once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds. My friends call me by my name, my enemies don’t call me anything because they are all dead. I once won a staring contest with my own reflection. I can kill two stones with one bird. I once won a fist fight, only using my beard. My words carry weight that would break a less interesting man’s jaw.

My tailgate parties have been known to cause game delays. It has never been my bad. I live vicariously through myself. In a past life, I was myself.

My lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph. I once flirted with danger, danger got clingy. I skip the first date. I wouldn’t be afraid to show my feminine side if I had one.

I have won trophies for my game face alone. A bird in my hand is worth three in the bush.

I have taught old dogs a variety of new tricks. I never wear a watch because time is always on my side. Time waits on no one, but me. If opportunity knocks, and I am not at home, opportunity waits.