josh local-handyman

Santa Cruz, California

Hi---I'm Josh, your Local Handyman in the San Lorenzo Valley. I charge $10/hr. over the going rate; though well-paid, I still avail myself of your hospitality and take inventory of your possessions, which I will appropriate if I see something I like—such as an heirloom cameo-and-diamond ring and all the bud you so agreeably share. As a staunch Christian, whose wife works in the church, I am polite, amiable and can really shoot-the-shit when it comes to talking about how much I care about people, the great community-building ideas I have and all the fabulous things I will do for you. I will also, without asking, take pictures of the entire interior of your home and all its contents to post online in my portfolio—a crime (violation of privacy—but as just another fish on the Facebook hook I have no understanding of) for which I can be charged, but hey, handymen get away with murder: we come into your home, have total access while you are away and you know, possession is nine-tenths of the law, of which there is none for homeowners/customers and boy do I know it! It's hard to tell if I make more money by overcharging or by stealing...either way, I make out like the proverbial bandit. Even though I have been given the opportunity to man-up, return the property and make things right, in good Christian conscious I cannot allow myself to be wrong, only to justify the wrongs I commit.

  • Education
    • in prison