Currently, I am a celibate author/actor/comedian/gardener. I write scathing novels of sexual chemistry and religious fervor; audition for pharmaceutical products and shoot diabetic magic pen commercials; I tell jokes while I trim the jasmine and walk my arthritic Maltese Buddy in a stroller around Hollywood wearing a ripped t-shirt with Be Careful or You'll End Up in My Novel in bold letters across my chest. Me, me, me. Why does it always have to be about me? Scattered to the wind, responsible. How can I be both?