Name Less

Having spent many of my years anhiliating any belief that I am real, I've found giving myself any direction a complete challenge.

I live in a state of constant dissatisfaction with roughly, everything, however, I find a great deal of joy in the irreverant and ironic, the self-indulgent and oddly, the selfless.

I exist on two paradoxical planes. On one hand, I fully embrace the most human of human traits (language, art, inquisitiveness), but have a strong bile for almost all other human traits.

I don't know what I want from life, but sometimes I think I know what I don't want. I know that I don't want to spend 40 hours a week of my meaningfully meaningless existence with people who I don't love. Which is why I don't. I know that for anyone I love, I would spend every ounce of time and energy doing anything for them. I know I always want to help someone less fortunate. I know I would like to see borders dissolved and politics cease to exist. I want to stop being pacified by systems of control, items of comfort, fear of failure.

I'm living life as best as I can. I want no fixed abode, no big brother watching, no belongings. I've got this short time to make existence worth my while, and I'll do it.

People think I'm not using my education, that at this level, by this time, I should have tied myself to a place geographically, be earning a big salary, own a series of status-related belongings and have let go of my beliefs...and this is the hardest bit, feeling like you disappoint the people you love.

If I wasn't to do what I do, I guarantee, I wouldn't exist.