Onnie Mary Phuthe

In 2001 I tested for HIV. The resuslt came out positive. This is where I thought much began, yet, via events of my life and time, I realised there is much more to the HIV test, there is much more to the HIV Medicines I used and ditched in 2009.I today 22 August 2012, with all the information I have unravelled itself my mystery. Within me, I have learned to face the storms of life, Its a calm surface but within a raging storm is very active, A stunami of the mind. Having a Hiv positive result, led me to deeper stength, and reaosn to believe, The strength was always there just its was inactive. Fighting for survival has taught me that we always get what we strive to achieve, as long as we put the effort in it.What is critical and improtant for me is that What I strived for was health and peace, I achieve that beyond expectation, all that remains is to learn to have hope gain , to live. I feel that I had given up everything, completely, though I fought tooth and nail to achieve wellness, I have never been ready to celebrate and realise it as an achieved goal. I may have held on to the fear and feeling of death that had consumed me. I will always remember the day of May 25 2009, I neevr expected to see the sun rise again for me. This could have been the pace I handed in the towel of life.My efforts laid within my soul, I kept talking life to myself, but the physical sickness did not support what I envisioned, yet I kept the eye on the vision of not dying unfortunately, the fear and the sence of death consumed me, engulfed me like a wild fire, so much that being out of the fire, has left me still standing in the fire as I had never prepared for my life again second time around. My actions led me to live, and my beliefs allowed me to live, my change of diet and life style led me to live, but my thoughts kept me dead to all that had actually transpired. I had recieved without acknowledgement the furit of my efforts, only the mind was stuck in the death of the soul. The body can never convince the mind its alive, yet the mind, can convince a dead or dying body that there is life, not matter how much seems to be lost. The salt that rubbed in to the wound of disbilief was the loss of my employment. I re awakened, with energy and wellness, the very thing I lacked when I was employed. Life is a gift, it takes realising what we are holding in order to enjoy its benefits. So much self butchering has kept my ship of life at bay when it should be sailing the oceans.