Kyle Stephens

I was born to a Swedish explorer and his scullery maid while they were studying ant hill construction in Africa. After my parents were killed in a freak messenger bag accident, I was adopted by a tribe of howler monkeys, who raised me as their shaman. When I was seven, I was discovered by Chinese researchers and taken to a facility in the Ningxia province for rehabilitation. I escaped and made my living as a freelance Alsatian tamer on the streets of Pyongyang. My contacts in the Micronesian underground enabled me to enter college when I was old enough, where I majored in 12th century Horticulture. After a short internship on the International Space Station as the designated hotdog warmer, I got my current job, scrubbing the floors in the basement of the Orion Nebula.