My journal to USA is originally regarded as a break or temporary escape from work. Back at that time before I left China for USA, the pressure I faced on work was just about to drive me crazy. I felt awful and behaved like I was idiot. I was planning a trip and it happened that I got the chance to come to USA for a while. So I decided that that was it.
That is why I am here. I did not set up any goal for myself at the very beginning of journal. If there had to be one,it would be my seek for the peace of mind.
After I spent about 6 months in USA,I started to consider what I could use my time here to do something either for myself or for someone else,or if I should go directly back to Beijing where I came. I talked to my friends for advices and travelled to LA to meet my boss and colleagues who came to LA from China for a business trip in January. “Since you are here,you might be better stay and make best of it to learn something." my boss told me.Encouraged by them,I decided to stay.
Then comes up the question: what I can learn? I have to set up a goal for myself. To some degree,the ITU digital arts program stimulate my capacity of innovation and creativity.However, it will be too long a way to go for me to be professional in digital arts and to become a designer in consideration of the fact that I had no arts training or design background. What's more,I dont have passion to be an artist.
Where is my passion? What pleases me most? I try to find the answer.To my shock,I can not remember what is my childhood dream.There were one or two times that I was encouraged to speak out my ideas or my life dream while I was a kid.But each time,my dream was thought to be naive and I gave up quickly.To live up to your dream,that is not the way I am familiar with that one person spend his or her life. I get lost in panic.
What do you want to do with your life? I never thought this question would be brought up to me again. In traditional Chinese moral system,the grow ups,especially men, are required to undertake responsibility to raise children and to take care of elderly parents.The question if the life are what you want is not so important.
While I push myself to think about it,it is as if I'v woken up to something. A process has begun and I'd like to witness where it will take me.