Basics about me:
31 years old
Student of English Literature with The Open University, currently studying Twentieth Century Texts
Working part-time as a Clerical Assistant
Single-mum to a gorgeous four year old monkey (male)
After my BA (Hons) English Literature I hope to study for a MA Shakespeare Studies and then a PhD. Hopefully living in lots of different places in the process!
I like to keep fit - heavy weight lifting and sprints. I'm training to be bad ass!
And the not so basic stuff...
I've suffered from an eating disorder since I was eight years old. This started off with restricting my food intake, cutting out meals, and quickly progressed to making myself sick after I did have to eat. The severity of my illness has been variable; at points I've been severly emaciated and at other times no one would have been able to guess by looking at me, the illness was just an ever-present intrusion into my thought processes around food and self-image.
After several bouts of out-patient therapy, my last treatment was really successful and I came out of it having almost completely defeated my low self-esteem and negative body image - huge parts of any eating disorder. In fact, I have amazingly high self-esteem now and possibly believe in my own abilities to the point of self-delusion ;-) My illness now manifests itself purely in terms of control; at times in my life where I feel chaotic and that I have no control over situations and events, I have a tendency to reach for negative behaviours to allow me to harness a sense of stability. However, the difference now is that I manage to stay in control of my illness, as opposed to it controlling me, for the most part of time. I do this by focussing on staying healthy enough to study, work and run around after an active little monkey: eating whole foods in a Paleo context, weight lifting and sprinting to become stronger as opposed to skinnier.
I appreciate that some people may find my honesty on this topic a little strange and it's true; most people with an eating disorder do not announce it online. This is, in part, because a key element of an eating disorder is secrecy. By being candidly honest about it in my blog, I hope to both challenge my own illness and raise awareness of the condition in general.