Lucy Utter

I've come to the conclusion that I'm currently going thru a mid mid-life crisis. I'm a bit ashamed and really embarrassed because it sounds completely ridiculous when I'm stating it my current life situations. Self diagnosing of course, because you know I'm well learned in psychological disorders. (Probably not!) Summarizing how I came to be in such a state of disarray.(I really just want to feel as if I belong, to contribute, and am a valued companion) I'm going to describe my experience growing into an "adult." , still far from being mature or grown-up. To my disadvantage my stars have been set within my immediate family to be of polar opposites. (They're basically comically, my arch nemesis of stereotypes of relationships.) Not finding this out until my early twenties, i came into my own, misunderstood and isolated. . I knew that I was different, for a long time, i embraced the negative attention. Feeding off energy. certain, that I didn't belong at home, but after being rejected by my peers in class, I unfortunately I got my feelings confused with how I saw myself personally and accepted the idea, that I just wasn't deserving of being loved. Naturally, as a child I made up for the lack of companionship by using my wondrous“All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.” - Swami Vivekananda imagination to escape to places where I was apart of everything. Not knowing that this coping skill would eventually creep up on me as an crippling defect. .