Maria Tonson

Maria is a student at her local community college. She's also a terrible sales associate at a name-brand high-end retail store. Even Maria will admit she hasn't a clue as to how or why she's still employed.

On a daily basis, Maria does absolutely nothing productive. She has champagne taste on a beer budget. However, she's an awesomely bad story-teller. Don't let her tell you stories.

None of this makes sense.