Mathew Jensterle
Wales
Like the forgotten demi-gods of ancient times, Mathew's mastery and strength knows no bounds. His interests covering the whole gamut of subjects from Art to Science, and in possession of computing and networking experience covering almost 30 years, it is unlikely he does not already know your name, waist size, blood type and debit card pin, and you should probably consider giving him some money just to be on the safe side.
Although he's making applications and games now so you could just buy those to make it fair.