Matt Sergeant

Forged from the strongest and darkest magik in the heart of Mordor, Matt Sergeant was first unleashed as a tool of the Dark Lord to destroy the Younglings of the Jedi Order. One of the first white men to set foot on the African continent, he has singlehandedly baptized over 100,000 pygmy tribesman. During a latenight cardgame with Winston Churchill and Charles de Gaulle, he won the territory now known as "Belgium" and constructed the world's best water park. He died with his boots on in 1844 during the Cuban Missle Crisis with his hand around that yellow bastard Jack Kennedy's neck.