Matthew Horn

It all started on a warm May morning back in 1979. I was traveling through my mothers vaginal canal when I saw the light. I trusted my instincts and swam away from the light, althogh I failed and was yanked into this cruel world by my mothers OBGYN or as I like to pronounce, her obgin with a hard G.

Even though I was against being born I didnt realize where I was being born. I was born in a mystical and magical world with chocolate waterfalls and real life unicorns. Most don't beleive in such a place, yet most have never been to Boise, ID.

I spent the first 21 years of my life in nirvana, but I always thought there must be more out there. I packed up some clothes and my guitar. I said goodbye to my pet unicorn "Rainbow" and moved to "The Queen City". I figured how bad could a place be with such an enchanting name. I was sorely disappointed when I realized how wrong I was about "The Queen City" aka Cincinnati. I lived in this wretched place for just over a year when I was offered a transfer elsewhere. I figured what could be worse than Cincinnati. I found out when I moved to Cleveland.

Cleveland is where I currently reside. I managed to create a family of 4 and am doing fairly well for Cleveland standards. I now realize I was sent to Cleveland to rescue my girlfriend and our children from the evil Home of Rock n Roll. I am now on a mission to bring my family back to the promised land and reunite with Rainbow my pet unicorn.